Three years somehow feels like a significant amount of time for you to be gone. I almost feel ashamed that so much time can pass and somehow I am still moving along. But of course that is silly and precisely what I should be doing (insert your sarcastic joke about being a loser who gives up on life here).

I miss you everyday and still can’t believe you aren’t on this earth with me some many miles away gardening, walking your dogs, watching NHK too loud, or studying up for your next Buddhist meeting where you will inevitably inspire someone with your sincerity and life experience.

I can’t believe I’ll never sit silently in a room with you reading or watching something for one of us to break the silence with a random thought that’s will eventually lead to laughter.

I can’t believe you will never meet my son, the sweetest little human who I know you would have said looks exactly like you (just like all of your great grandchildren 😆) but in this case you would be right. The number of times someone has said “he looks just like grandma in that pic” prompting me to do a double take and smile with glee is too many to count.

I can’t believe I won’t get to call you when I am struggling in motherhood, or when I have run out of ideas for dinner, or when he has a school project we need inspiration for (you will always be the queen of crafts to me).

I can’t believe you did this 8 times, and raised 7 children. I now understand why your heart was so big and how it could fit the problems of the world and still have room for more.

I will always have a slight amount of pity for my son who did get to meet you, but I will spend my life making sure that he knows you. His middle name honors you and this side of our family, and I hope it ignites his curiosity to know more.

I love you always.